Two ladies

This is a picture of my Grandmother and I, taken on my wedding day. Today is her birthday. She was an awesome Grandma who spoiled me rotten, like all good Grandma's do. She was the only Grandma I ever knew, my Dad's Mother died when he was a baby.



This is Vera.



She was one of Baby D's Great Grandmothers, DIL's Stepdad's Mom. This is the only pic I have of her, taken with Baby D when he was about three months old.

Vera died yesterday. She decided a few months ago that she wanted to stop dialysis. She knew what that meant for her and was ready for it. She moved in with her Son, S, and Granny R to wait for the end.

Her Husband, S-Senior, moved in with one of his daughters. He suffers from Alzheimers and needs constant care. He was with his wife when she died. Even though it was expected, it was still sad.

What is happening now though is even sadder. This morning when he woke up, S-Senior asked his son who the lady was that had died the night before. You know where this is going. When S told him that Mom had died, S-Senior asked if his Mom had died. Trying to make his Dad understand, S told him that Vera had died. S-Senior knew that Vera was his wife and became distraught all over again. How many more times will this poor man have to re-live his wife's death?

I know what living with and taking care of someone who suffers from this horrible disease is like, all too well. My Grandma had Alzheimers. Once when my Grandpa was in the hospital, my Grandma asked me to take her to visit him. When we would get there, her and Grandpa would get into an argument and she would insist on leaving. We would no sooner get home and she would be asking me why I wouldn't take her to see Grandpa in the hospital. We must have made a half dozen trips to the hospital that one day alone. A few days later, he had a stroke and had to go into a nursing home. We were unable to care for Grandma and she went into a different nursing home, one specially for Alzheimer's patients.

That was a horrible day that I wont even go into now but trust me when I say, it still haunts me, 20 years later. To get her acclimated to the hospital, they asked us to not visit her for two weeks. By the time we were allowed to see her, she had lost her memory of us. Even though we visited regularly from that day on, she had no idea who any of us were and she also forgot that she had a Husband. When he died 8 months later, we decided not to tell her, as she had no memory of him anyway. Only one time did she ever mention him and it was in passing. She hadn't even realized what she had said. I can remember clearly, my Mom and I looking at each other when she said his name, waiting for some sort of memory to kick in, but nothing.

I didn't think so then because it was just so heartbreaking, but seeing what DIL's family is going through with S-Senior, I guess now I can say it was probably easier that she didn't remember.

Happy Birthday, Gma.

Rest in peace, Vera.